I still can’t believe Michal is gone. Since I heard from my family just after the funeral and burial, it really struck me how hard his passing has hit me. I guess I thought I would start feeling better after I heard my grandmother and mother tell me that the funeral had been a wonderful celebration of Mike’s life. They both sounded moved and a little more at peace when I spoke to them last week.
But neither them nor me has stopped feeling that ache that sits our chests. I am finding that my vision is no longer blurred by tears, but every day I wake up and the first thing that washes over me is “Oh no, this isn’t all just my imagination. This isn’t just a bad dream.” And when I find I am not distracted or absorbed in something that jft and I are doing like shopping for last minute things before we leave India or haggling with vendors, I am thinking of Mike and how my family is holding up. I used to find hand washing our laundry during our travels rather relaxing, even if it can be a mundane and sometimes arduous task when the clothing pile is enough to fill a laundry machine back home. For the last few days, washing by hand seems to leave me too much time to think about Michal’s absence and to dig up memories of him. The latter though is quite amazing because of how clear some of these memories are, surfacing as I try to scrub out the dust and grime that seem to be a perpetual part of our clothing in India.
I am sorry to be a downer but I think writing it out is helping me heal in some way.
If you haven’t noticed, jft is doing a good job of keeping you posted on travel stories and things inspired by our travels. I really just haven’t felt like digging into the travel stories that I have been planning to tell since I found out Mike was gone.
Both jft and I have been amazed to see just how many people are visiting our web site and our photos of Mike on Flickr. The photos of Mike and his sister seem to have generated the most views, which I personally find touching.
With regards to site statistics, I don’t usually dwell on these things, like how many unique visitors we have and how they find our web site, since really it’s not like we are aiming our web site to be read by the masses. It’s just a place to pursue our inspiration to write and document this life we are living, so family and friends can to tune in if they feel so inclined. It’s always flattering to hear that this circle of people has in turn shared our writing and photos with people they know.
Since I posted my letter to Mike, our numbers aren’t necessarily exploding, but Canada seems to be a bigger factor as a soure of visitors (the US and “Unknown,” a strange enough description, are first and second on our list, respectively, while Canada is third but a larger third place than usual). After the home page, and our post introducing our south Asia trip, my letter to Mike is the third most viewed web page our site. And although more than 80 per cent of people who visit us directly type in our address to get to our blog, perhaps five per cent or more are currently finding us via Facebook, since some memorial groups to Mike have been created there.
People also seem to find our site, whether intentionally or by accident via quite a variety of search terms. Currently, the top search term at 23 per cent is “Michal Juruc,” with “Michael Juruc” (the incorrect spelling of his first name), is at just over nine per cent. After that perhaps three or four key phrases clock in at five per cent or less. The majority of the list of terms that bring people to our site mostly account for less than one per cent each of key phrases used, like “juruc brampton,” “michal juruc what happened,” “pasta with broccoli,” “mexican food in chicago,” “making gingerale flat” and one of the more amusing search terms, “www.pastabroccoli.net”
I am crying and laughing as I review the various search key phrases, so many about Mike, and so many others just words or unrelated ideas that seem to bring up our site as a search result. It’s not important to me how many people visit this site. Certainly elucidating a bit more about our site statistics is by no means intended as way to prop ourselves up. But being able to peer into people’s activities and in this particular case, to see how many people, some I have never met, seeking out more information about Mike is somehow touching and heartening. I should add that whoever is visiting this site is for all purposes anonymous to us. The web site statistics don’t tell me specifics about WHO exactly is visiting our web site, like name and age, although I could use the IP addresses recorded to get a better idea about the physical location of the people visiting our web site.
For people who are still visiting and searching out more on Mike, please do feel free to leave a comment or send me a message. I want to know how you knew Mike, and perhaps you can get involved in keeping his memory alive by helping to organize or attending an event to raise money for the scholarship my family has set up in his name.
Or if you have a Facebook account, or would like to sign up for one, you can join the groups set up as a memorial to Michal Juruc and leave comments there. One group is called “In Loving Memory of MJ “ and the other “R.I.P. M.J…..Forever in our hearts and memories.” I apologize that you can only see these links if you are logged in on Facebook.
You don’t get over losing someone so young and so integral to your family, but after seeing all the activity online, activity that before the Internet would have been impossible to even imagine, it helps me see just how many people Mike affected — how many people we all affect in positive ways — and I have to believe something good can come out of this.
