It’s hard to believe, but one week ago today Justin and Stephanie tied the knot, threw a great party, and found themselves a married couple. I had the distinct pleasure – and honor – of serving as the best man. As Justin and Steph jet off to Hawaii (maybe they’re already there), I thought I’d put my speech up on the ‘net for all to see. Some of it is caught on video, thanks to rIAm:
And here is the full text of the speech:
Welcome. I’m so glad so many people were able to come together on this cold and snowy day. It’s hard for me to believe I am standing here, as I realized the other day, a little over 12 years since Justin first showed up in my US History class. And science class, and math and English classes. Even, we figured out, lunch period.
I can’t say I have been waiting for this day for 12 years, or even 6 years. Stephanie has been, but not me. [pause] But I wasn’t surprised to hear that Justin finally took the plunge, and headed down this incredible path of marriage. And in typically Justin fashion, I found out by email – In a response to a quick note I sent to say rIAm and I were in town after our year of traveling. I have that email here:
After short pleasantries, he wrote:
Steph and I do have some big news. After five years she finally caught me and we are now engaged. The wedding will be December 6th, 2008 and will be held up here around Naperville. We are using the chapel at the Naper settlement and having the reception at the Abbington in Glen Ellyn. Looks like I will now have the occasion to return the best man book to use, as I believe you will need it. I was hoping you would be back in town soon.
And with that, I knew exactly where I’d be this day, and that I had to give this speech. For the record, he never did return that best man book.
Looking back on it all, I suppose it was inevitable that we would become such good friends. Considering we spent over half our day with each other at school, it was no surprise Justin decided we should start hanging out on the weekend. I think the first exchange went about like this, one Friday morning in Eby’s history class:
Justin asked “do you want to get together later?”
To which I responded, “yeah, we always have lunch together”
“No, tonight” Justin responded, holding back on calling me a moron, regretting that he picked me to ask instead of somebody who actually understood what he was talking about.
But we figured out we could go bowling, which led to a pool table, which led to pretty much a standing date every weekend for the next 6 years. We pushed curfew all through high school, only to come home reeking of smoke, and then we pushed closing time at the pool halls all through college. Which is also how we found the meat lovers skillet at Denny’s, and baffled my dad, who could never understand why we would be out so late. We haven’t closed a pool hall – or had a meat lovers skillet – in quite some time, but we found ourselves racking up some nine ball Thursday night like we’ve done a thousand times before.
The cast of supporting characters changed many times through the years. Friends came and went, others stuck around, but our friendship was constant. Ineed, Justin’s family moved, and then moved again, and then moved some more. Friends scattered around the country, but defying all odds, Justin just bounced back and forth between DeKalb and the Greater Naperville Area, the place he can most call home. In fact, it was me who moved this time, first into Chicago then across Asia and now to Toronto.
But it didn’t – doesn’t – matter. It never did. Justin and I share that rare sort of friendship where we can go months without talking, but we pick right back up where we left off the next time. And although we depend on that perhaps a bit more than we’d like, it always works.
I’m not sure that I have much advice for Justin, I preceded him in marriage two and a half years ago, but I do know a few things.
What I’ll call the Stephanie years started out rocky, as far as I was concerned. They had a roommate who defined the word “slob,” one who managed to blow up their toilet. And admittedly, I wasn’t so sure the pairing would stick. But my instinct wasn’t working back then, it seems, and Justin’s never been one to share his emotions readily, so it took a couple years for me to see why this relationship worked.
But first, let me explain a little something about Justin. He loves to learn, particularly if he can then beat somebody at the thing he learns. It’s the mild OCD, as he puts it, that every genius needs to become the very best. He’s had books on chess, pool, skiing, paintball, guitar, cars and probably guitar hero. But I never saw him with a relationship book, so I wasn’t sure how hard he was working on that part of his life. Steph, you’ll be happy to know, I caught Justin this afternoon with a book that should him him tonight.
Another thing about Justin, despite being a huge geek, he always maintained a pretty good sense of the world around him, and a self-awareness that he was a huge geek. So he overcompensated with cars, and fortunately, understood that quoting from the chess book “knight to c5, queen to d6,” and so on just didn’t hold the same social appeal as “9 ball corner pocket.”
So with as many self-absorbed, expensive and time consuming hobbies as Justin has, he’s also managed to keep a wonderful woman happy, and she has in return been extraordinarily patient and made sure that Justin has had, for a number of years – especially so since they bought their house – a warm and inviting home filled with not just candles and cats, but a whole lot of love.
And this is what makes Steph such a good match for Justin. She is that unique personality that is simultaneously supportive and encouraging, but also practical, understanding, and let me emphasize, patient. I know a little something about having such an amazing partner in life, and Justin’s smartest move is making sure this relationship was his last.
The cliche that two people are better together than on their own rings true in this relationship. Steph brings out the best in Justin, without trying to hold him back. And Justin does the same in return, and I’m confident that neither of them would be as happy or as successful as they are today, if they had spent the last six years without each other.
And so that is what makes me so happy to be here today. Some might be thinking, what has changed today? Yes, these two are now married, but they still live together, they have been functioning as a married couple, and other than perhaps changing beneficiaries on a pension plan, what has changed?
Well that is something I do know something about. Justin, it’s going to feel really good now to introduce Steph to people as your wife, and talk about Rod and Terri as your in-laws. It’s a wonderful new adventure ahead of you, and the beauty of it all is that you have the most solid foundation possible upon which to build the rest of your lives.
And so it is with tremendous pleasure, even pride, that I am standing here today. I wish you both nothing but the best, and nothing but happiness. I know you know that it won’t always be easy, but it’s always worthwhile, and at the end of each day, there is nobody either of you would rather come home to.
Let’s all raise our glasses, in celebration of your marriage and love for each other. Congratulations, and, Cheers.
