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Hope your days are full of merry.

Roberto was the official photographer and posted his images to flickr (available only to family, sorry!). Naturally, rIAm couldn’t keep her hands off the camera and then I took over when I arrived with the boys and our photos are also on flickr.

Of course we also hosted a party – Bolts and Busts – to celebrate with Bianca and Colin together, and those photos are on flickr too (and as a slideshow after the jump).

Hard to believe their wedding is only 40 days away!

We had a super easy drive on Thursday, arriving in Toronto about 8pm (eastern). The truck drove super easy, it’s hard to believe how easy, really, considering it was 14′ and a rental. When I returned it the guy had a bit of shock when he saw it now has over 12,000 miles and is about 2 months old! Thursday night we got some things unloaded that we needed at the Mercuri house, had a bit to eat, and mostly got ready for bed (and maybe switched a few summer clothes in the closet for winter ones!).

The immigration process was super easy, hardly any questions and they definitely didn’t do much more than a passing glance at our list of goods. But now I’m a landed immigrant in Canada!

Friday was crazy. rIAm had an interview scheduled for 1pm, but they called Thursday and left a message that they wanted to move the interview later, to 3:15, which was annoying because we had a plan based on the earlier interview time. But it worked out because we went over with the truck to nonni and unloaded the whole thing into their basement. It fits really well in a room they only use in summer with fresh things from the garden, but it was just the two of us unloading everything. We wore ourselves out a bit, but had a refreshing lunch Nonna prepared.

The life of an immigrant sure is difficult when your grandmother-in-law makes you a big scrumptious lunch (and two whole T-bone steaks!).

I did manage to turn my ankle a bit, which hurt very briefly at the time, but later hurt and swelled pretty good, so I took lots of ibuprofen and iced it often. Looks much better now. Not sure how it happened, but somehow my foot stuck on something and the rest of me kept going.

One very nice thing, although it made our Friday very busy, was my mother-in-law suggesting we move the computer/desk out of rIAm’s room and into the study next door. She had already done some measurements and knew it would work. Then she even suggested they get a double bed for us. Well, rIAm had the good idea to take a double bed from nonni (originally from her old room anyway, and one of two extra beds at nonni). I suggested that moving that would be much, much easier while we had the truck. So sure enough, after emptying the truck we loaded in a box spring, mattress, frame and bedding. Then back at the Mercuri house we partially disassembled the computer desk, maneuvered it into the next room, got it back together, removed the futon from rIAm’s room, and then got the double bed into place. Whew!

If all that sounds like too much to get done before rIAm’s interview, it was. The organization called again to postpone the interview until the new year. Which we kind of figured would happen. Since they close until then anyway, we figure it’s just as well that the interview happens in the new year.

The result was great, though, as my mother-in-law couldn’t believe all we did in a day (she was thinking we wouldn’t be able to address all this until after Christmas), and couldn’t believe how big rIAm’s room looks now. My father-in-law’s eyes just about popped out of his head he was so surprised, but he was also so happy that now rIAm and I have a place where we don’t have to bother anybody else, etc, while we are here (we had been sleeping in rIAm’s sister’s room, which adjoins to the bathroom rIAm’s other sister uses). Anyhow, the biggest awkwardness about staying here was relieved in one day, and at the suggestion of my mother-in-law. It certainly went a long way toward making me feel even more at home here, as it gives rIAm and I a place of our own.

Saturday we returned the truck and dropped some things off (like the futon) at Goodwill and got all of our presents ready. We had big plans for Sunday, mostly along the lines of putting clothes away, doing some things in the kitchen and sorting some other odds and ends. But the hydro (translation: electricity) had other plans.

About 10am, the power went completely out. Around 2:30pm the emergency hydro crew knocked on the door and said they figured out the problem was between a box in the front yard and the corner, but the repair would have to be done by a regular crew, which now had to be called out. We wouldn’t have power for hours.

So as the day wore on and it became more and more difficult to see, all sorts of plans were tabled, other things were taken on, and then we played a lot of cards. But my mother-in-law had to give up plans to bake more than the two cookies she had finished, the laundry was stopped mid-cycle, the dishwasher couldn’t run, and we became quite adept at heating things up on the stove that we normally would have done in the oven. My father-in-law and rIAm went visiting relatives while we managed in the dark until 9pm, when power was finally restored.

Just goes to show that when you start a construction project (the electrical box in the front yard is all dug up and surrounded by a big hole) in November/December in Toronto, when it snows and rains you get a flood and blown fuses. And a street with no power and angry residents. But we got through it, even if I had to channel memories of India and its power outages.

We’ve also enjoyed visiting with our sisters(-in-law), Colin, the nonni and everybody else we’ve seen. It’s been nice to sit around the table for tasty meals with family, and enjoy the seasonal festivities and decorations around here. The tree is a bit smaller this year, but nicely decorated and looking good in the green room and with many presents underneath. We had to laugh when we saw our cousin’s gifts, though, because it was the EXACT same idea we almost did this year – homemade cookies in a nice jar! (We didn’t open them early, they are just visible the way they were wrapped). After picking up the containers we were going to use, we switched course and did something else, sort of similar, but we couldn’t believe how close we were to having the same present! And as if there weren’t enough things under the tree, a funny thing happened…

Uncle Paul called and rIAm was talking to him. He said he was going through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru and could be here in 20 minutes, and he had some boxes he wanted to store here for a bit. rIAm checked if keeping them in the garage would be ok, he said whatever, so we agreed. Then when he showed up, they were massive (I mean, massive), wrapped boxes. Five of them. Numbered 1-5. And when we checked if they were here so they were hidden from Nonna Anna, he said no, they were staying here. So now that we’ve blocked off seemingly a whole corner of the green room with these things, we have the giant mystery presents in the corner. It’s not even clear who they are all for, but they are big, and many of them are heavy. (UPDATE: Turns out three of them were big Mary Kay suitcases – with Mary Kay sleeping bag inside – one was a big mirror and the last was a water cooler.)

UPDATE: rIAm opens her present

I guess that’s the way things go around here; things are definitely in a festive spirit. Decorations are up, lots of presents under the tree, holiday cookies abound, and a wrapping station that was in full swing until this afternoon. Tonight rIAm and I take Nonna Immacolata to Christmas Eve mass, then we join everybody at Nonna Anna’s for the big seafood feast. Tomorrow we have the big Christmas lunch at the Mercuri house, and somewhere in there we’ll have time to open all the presents under the tree.

We miss Naperville and all of our friends and family in Chicagoland. It was so great to see so many of you while we were there, and we thank you all for making our stay so wonderful. We very much look forward to the next opportunity to see all of you, in Chicago or Toronto.

But it also feels real good to be where we are. Even Grandma, who is happy about my move only because it’s what I want, closed our last phone conversation before I left Naperville by saying, “have a safe drive home.”

It was touching, and it helped me realize, yes, Toronto is now home. I’m a Chicagoan at heart, but indeed, now I can say – with the full backing of the Canadian government – I am a Torontonian. And that feels pretty good too.

To each of you reading and to your family and friends, have a wonderful Christmas, winter break (if you have one!), and a happy, healthy, peaceful new year.

But neither them nor me has stopped feeling that ache that sits our chests. I am finding that my vision is no longer blurred by tears, but every day I wake up and the first thing that washes over me is “Oh no, this isn’t all just my imagination. This isn’t just a bad dream.” And when I find I am not distracted or absorbed in something that jft and I are doing like shopping for last minute things before we leave India or haggling with vendors, I am thinking of Mike and how my family is holding up. I used to find hand washing our laundry during our travels rather relaxing, even if it can be a mundane and sometimes arduous task when the clothing pile is enough to fill a laundry machine back home. For the last few days, washing by hand seems to leave me too much time to think about Michal’s absence and to dig up memories of him. The latter though is quite amazing because of how clear some of these memories are, surfacing as I try to scrub out the dust and grime that seem to be a perpetual part of our clothing in India.

I am sorry to be a downer but I think writing it out is helping me heal in some way.

If you haven’t noticed, jft is doing a good job of keeping you posted on travel stories and things inspired by our travels. I really just haven’t felt like digging into the travel stories that I have been planning to tell since I found out Mike was gone.

Both jft and I have been amazed to see just how many people are visiting our web site and our photos of Mike on Flickr. The photos of Mike and his sister seem to have generated the most views, which I personally find touching.

With regards to site statistics, I don’t usually dwell on these things, like how many unique visitors we have and how they find our web site, since really it’s not like we are aiming our web site to be read by the masses. It’s just a place to pursue our inspiration to write and document this life we are living, so family and friends can to tune in if they feel so inclined. It’s always flattering to hear that this circle of people has in turn shared our writing and photos with people they know.

Since I posted my letter to Mike, our numbers aren’t necessarily exploding, but Canada seems to be a bigger factor as a soure of visitors (the US and “Unknown,” a strange enough description, are first and second on our list, respectively, while Canada is third but a larger third place than usual). After the home page, and our post introducing our south Asia trip, my letter to Mike is the third most viewed web page our site. And although more than 80 per cent of people who visit us directly type in our address to get to our blog, perhaps five per cent or more are currently finding us via Facebook, since some memorial groups to Mike have been created there.

People also seem to find our site, whether intentionally or by accident via quite a variety of search terms. Currently, the top search term at 23 per cent is “Michal Juruc,” with “Michael Juruc” (the incorrect spelling of his first name), is at just over nine per cent. After that perhaps three or four key phrases clock in at five per cent or less. The majority of the list of terms that bring people to our site mostly account for less than one per cent each of key phrases used, like “juruc brampton,” “michal juruc what happened,” “pasta with broccoli,” “mexican food in chicago,” “making gingerale flat” and one of the more amusing search terms, “www.pastabroccoli.net”

I am crying and laughing as I review the various search key phrases, so many about Mike, and so many others just words or unrelated ideas that seem to bring up our site as a search result. It’s not important to me how many people visit this site. Certainly elucidating a bit more about our site statistics is by no means intended as way to prop ourselves up. But being able to peer into people’s activities and in this particular case, to see how many people, some I have never met, seeking out more information about Mike is somehow touching and heartening. I should add that whoever is visiting this site is for all purposes anonymous to us. The web site statistics don’t tell me specifics about WHO exactly is visiting our web site, like name and age, although I could use the IP addresses recorded to get a better idea about the physical location of the people visiting our web site.

For people who are still visiting and searching out more on Mike, please do feel free to leave a comment or send me a message. I want to know how you knew Mike, and perhaps you can get involved in keeping his memory alive by helping to organize or attending an event to raise money for the scholarship my family has set up in his name.

Or if you have a Facebook account, or would like to sign up for one, you can join the groups set up as a memorial to Michal Juruc and leave comments there. One group is called “In Loving Memory of MJ “ and the other “R.I.P. M.J…..Forever in our hearts and memories.” I apologize that you can only see these links if you are logged in on Facebook.

You don’t get over losing someone so young and so integral to your family, but after seeing all the activity online, activity that before the Internet would have been impossible to even imagine, it helps me see just how many people Mike affected — how many people we all affect in positive ways — and I have to believe something good can come out of this.

Instead of being here until just before our visa expires on 9 November 2007, we leave here on 15 October 2007.

My cousin Michal’s death is certainly a significant instigator in this new plan, and perhaps this is one of the good things that I can try to take from his passing. Changing our plans will mean that we will be returning home one month earlier than planned, and more important, that we will be present for many family gatherings in Chicago and Toronto in November and December.

And besides the gatherings for celebrations, holidays and admittedly some grieving, our new plan will enable us to see many friends and family sooner rather than later.

Early tomorrow we board a train that will take us on a more than 24-hour journey to cover the vast distance between Delhi and Hyderabad, the former being where we leave India from and the latter where have we have spent yesterday and today as we head north from Kanyakumari via Chennai.

Our original plan to head to France after India has not changed, simply because some of those family and friends we want to connect with are scattered across this delightful country. We already had booked our flights to Paris and figured out the itinerary for our month in France long before Michal passed away. All we did for $50 was change the reservation to take us to Paris next Monday instead of a month from now. Thankfully, our family and friends there have been very accommodating in this rather last minute change in plans.

Believe it or not, I am not sad to leave India earlier than plannedanticipated. As I told jft and my family, I have made my dream to see India come true. Whether or not I see another Hindu temple, visit Kolkata and Varanasi and explore another market bazaar will certainly not make or break me. As much of a beautiful and inspiring experience I’ve had, in particular in the last two months of completing a meditation course and then exploring very green, lush and much more laid-back south India, I am also done with the dirtiness, the traffic congestion, the haggling to get a fair rickshaw price and even some of the Indian food, like vegetables cooked to mush in thick gravies. I am proud of myself for pursuing this dream and making it come true, but I can admit, with much thanks to my cousin Michal for putting some things into perspective, when I need to wake up from the dream and move on.

I’m a little sad that while Michal’s funeral is going on in Toronto, I will be on such a long train ride instead of being able to go somewhere more spiritual or special to grieve, pay my respects and acknowledge the moments my family is passing through. I realized though, that train rides in India can actually be something quite special. The landscapes you race and chug past can often be breathtaking, and you often see village and city, slum and mansion dwellers just living their life as you pass by, from taking care of toilet duties by the side of the track to young and old waving at the train, trainspotting being an integral part of the day. And I can’t overlook the interesting people and things you see on the trains themselves. Whole families and lone travellers unpack whole meals, snore and often share their rich, ghee-filled sweets with us. Life proceeds as usual on the train as much as much as it does in the often anonymous places we pass by rail.

So I will celebrate life as I witness it from the train and on the train while Michal is laid to rest. And I will thank India for showing me a slice of her, even if sometimes I didn’t like what I saw or experienced. Good-bye to the land Gandhi fought for. I cannot say when I will return, but I hope when I do, it will be to reconnect to the many friends I found here.

For now, I am ready to go home.

I am so heart broken to know that you, my dear youngest cousin, are gone. Joshua and I are both so sorry that we are not in Toronto to say a final good bye to you.

I feel especially full of sorrow because I am not there for your dad, my wonderful and irreplaceable Uncle Paul; for your sister, my beautiful cousin Samantha; for your mom Karen and your brothers; for Nonna Anna and Zio Vittorio, and for my parents and sisters and the rest of our amazing family.

Mike, I want you to know that no matter where I am or what I am doing, my family is always in my thoughts and in my heart. This is the case because your parents and mine have all taught us the value of our family. I feel my connection to our family more profoundly right now, even though we are several oceans apart. I know your loss hurts us all so much because we cannot stop thinking you are too young, too full of potential to not be living anymore.

I have some things to tell you, some things I never thought to voice before now and some realizations I had since I learned of your passing.

Mike, I’ve always thought that you had the coolest name: Michal Lee Riptide Juruc. And your dad is the coolest uncle for naming you that, and also for making sure we all got to hang out and have fun together as we grew up.

I know me, my sisters and your sister teased you sometimes for getting out of washing dishes and for getting better gifts from Nonna because you were the only grandson. I hope you know that the teasing was only a silly way to give you our attention and our love. We were grateful that you were you and present in our family, even if it took until you were taller than us to begin washing the dishes.

Perhaps it sounds a little embarrassing for you to hear that since you were little I’ve thought your big doe eyes, crazy long eyelashes and often flushed cheeks made you look like a cherub-faced angel.

In the last couple of years during family gatherings for holidays and my wedding, I noticed that a tall and handsome young man was replacing your cherub-baby face.

I had the great fortune of last seeing you when I was home in July at a birthday party for your dad, our Nonna and you. I was rather startled to see how much more of a man you seemed than a boy. You made such an impression on me that I had to take your photo. You kept ducking my attempts, but I finally caught your full face in a frame, long eyelashes and all. I was quite curious about this man you were becoming.

I was thinking at the party how much I was looking forward to coming back to Toronto after my travels to reconnect with our family. I even said as much when, while washing dishes after the party, I mentioned to my mom and Uncle Paul that I wanted to be part of a family trip to a cottage, the one your dad likes to rent in the summer for a week or so on Sauble Beach. I hope we still get to do this. I think you would have wanted us to continue having fun times like this together even if you can’t be there.

I learned of your passing while I was in a place in India called Kanyakumari. I tell you this because Kanyakumari is a profoundly spiritual place. It is the southern-most point of India, where three bodies of water meet: the Bay of Bengal, the Indian Ocean and the Arabian Sea. People flock to these waters to bless themselves. Even some of Gandhi’s ashes were scattered in the blue waters of Kanyakumari. All this inspired me and Joshua to each toss a flower garland into the sea and light candles at a nearby church to remember you.

The winds and waves in Kanyakumari are tremendous and a sight to behold. I tell you this because as I watched those huge pounding waves, I was overcome with sorrow. You would never see what I was seeing, and I wouldn’t even be able to share my experience with you in person. You are fresh and green; a full life was before you. You are not supposed to go before the rest of us. We are supposed to go first so we can welcome you when it is your time. But as the sun set and those waves began to mesmerize me, I realized that you were not alone when your time came.

You are the namesake of our Nonno Mike, who unfortunately you never met in life. But I knew him and I know his heart was so full of boundless love for all his grandchildren. Whenever I would visit him as a child, which was almost everyday, he would have a couple of squares of Jersey Milk chocolate for me. After he died, our family found a whole drawer full of that chocolate. I think he must have been stashing it for all the grandchildren who he knew were still to come. As the sky became streaked with orange, pink and red at Kanyakumari, I knew for certain that you were with Nonno Mike. And I’ll bet he greeted you with a piece of chocolate when you met him.

This all said, Mike, there is still a hole in all our hearts that can never be filled. Although our family and this world will not be the same without you, I also know that any pain and suffering you may have had in life is over. I truly believe that death is not the end, but a new beginning. It just really sucks that those of us still living can’t still talk to you and hear your voice, and give you a big hug when you’re in this new place.

So my cherub-faced cousin, watch over us, especially your parents and siblings. Say hello to Nonno Mike for me. And perhaps save a little chocolate for the rest of us.

I love you very much.

Your eldest cousin,
renée

******************

For more photos of Mike, which can be viewed as a slideshow, see the Michal Lee Riptide Juruc photo set.

A version of this post will be read at Michal’s funeral on 11 October 2007, in Brampton, Ontario.

With the support of Michal’s father and sister, the Mercuri family are establishing The Michal Juruc Memorial Scholarship, to remember Mike. If you are interested in supporting our efforts and have a few dollars to spare, please contact me or my parents, if you already have their contact info, for details.

Hard to believe the holiday season is here… Hannuakah starts in 10 days or so, Christmas is a mere 20 days away! A lot has happened in the last 12 months, good and bad, but 2006 will always be marked by great memories and stories for me…

But in all the hustle and bustle of this month and season, a (brief) moment to enjoy rIAm’s family’s tree from last year…

Okay, moment over.

(Head over to our flickr page to check out all the new photos I’ve posted lately. If you’d like to, that is.)